Another year...

1460 days has passed. 

I can remember every detail of this day in 2010 vividly. 

I remember sitting in car waiting for Cassia to run into the store and get some dog food real quick. 

I remember sitting there thinking about Zach. 

What 2010 would bring for us?

We were at such a turning point in our relationship. 

We drove to my parents house and had been there for a few minutes when I received the call. 

I fell apart. 

I needed to get to Salt Lake. 

I remember the drive to Logan to get his cousin, Natalie. 

I remember the drive back to Salt Lake. 

I remember walking into his Aunts house and being there with his family. 

I remember going home to an empty house thinking it was all a bad dream. 

The morning after was even worse.

I spent the following days, weeks and months surrounded by mine and his friends and family. 

2010 was a year that I would never want to repeat. 

Four years later...

Is it any easier?

No.

 I still miss him, so much it hurts. 

I am forever changed by Zach and this experience.

The tears do not flow as freely as they once did. 

My love is a little guarded.

And I am more sentimental than I ever was before. 

There are people that have become anchors in my life with all of this. 

His family being some of them. 

His cousins are some of my best friends. 

My dear friend, Keri. 

I know she was a gift from Zach. 

She is what I needed in my life.

And all my friends and family that have loved me through this. 

I am more appreciative of the quality people in my life. 

I try and express my love and gratitude more than I did before.  

I promised him I would SHINE for him. 

Be a better person. 

Serve others. 

and love hard. 

Hold your nears and dears a little tighter 

and 

say I love you a little louder.